I am “Lonely Girl.”

I am also the daughter and product of a distinctly Asian, middle-class, ultra conservative, and Christian family and community. And one thing I came to know from a young age was how to be a guy’s kind of gal, ranging from small men to powerful and even older men.

Then with the loss of my virginity at the age of 17 — followed by my violent exclusion from the Christian church — I decided “to hell with it” and embarked on a quest around The World to find saving grace. And by this, I mean love. I assume a posture of submission and pursue worldly lovers to act as my savior.

In so doing, my all-consuming aspiration becomes finding a husband, starting first with a Jewish boy who I sought as my all-in-one: a fill-in father, friend, and lover. My distinctly “White” features (compared to my Asian peers) are worked to my benefit in these circles. Soon I am poised to become his submissive wife, desiring all forms of destructive and unhealthy attachment.

Then finally, I meet a worldly — and much older, wealthy, and experienced — Swedish businessman who is 23 years my senior, who I become determine to marry, until an unexpected request and a shattering discovery threaten to destroy my dream.

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